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Divorce And The Your Children

29th June 2011
By Roger Fischer in Divorce
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Young people suffer a multitude of emotions after they discover their parents are getting a divorce. It is no different from what the grownups feel but they may not have all of the facts. This can end up with children blaming themselves for the divorce. They will remember each of the times their parents had a conflict over them and feel it is their own fault.

Many couples decide not to get a divorce no matter what simple for the sake of their children. They want to break free and to start a new life but they donít. Years later, they may regret doing this and realise that staying in the marriage for their children's sake was a big mistake for all concerned. They certainly werenít happy and chances are everyone in the household was suffering because of what was going on emotionally.

The level of damage that is going on at this time for many children on account of marriage problems needs to be addressed. These children are profoundly affected by all the abuse they see, whether it's verbal, emotional or the worst of all, physical abuse. In many cases, the children will see controlling behaviours such as affection or money being withheld so that one spouse can exert control over the other. None of these troubles are good for children and there's no doubt experiencing all this will leave permanent mental scars from this very unpleasant period of their life.

It's the emotional state of children that very often keeps people in a marriage when they want out however. They've heard all the horror stories about children with confidence issues and relationship issues due to their parents being divorced. In many cases it wasn't their parents divorce that caused the problems but something else. The fact is, it often because of what happened before, during, and after the divorce.

The factors that often cause the most problems are seeing all the harmful things that happen ahead of the actual divorce. Seeing your parents call each other nasty names or throwing stuff around and fighting aren't the sort of things that a child is likely to forget. Obviously there are bound to be many difficult times when going through a divorce but the main thing is do everything you can stop your children from seeing them.

Look, children are not stupid. It is inevitable they will sense all the tension that is there between you and your spouse. They are going to be right there in the middle of things if there is still a lot of unresolved conflict going on. It can be very unhealthy for them to see such issues taking place. Thankfully, with the right approach you can go through a divorce and still have a quality relationship with your children afterwards. It will be possible that you both come together as a married couple in order to do what's good for your offspring.

If you're able to sort out the details of the divorce so that the children are well looked after it will minimize the risk of them from getting scarred. Messy divorces where each spouse is blaming the other and getting the children in the middle of it arenít going to benefit anyone at all. Whenever you say unpleasant things about your ex in front of your children you just cause them more hurt. When all is said and done, that person is still their parent and still someone they probably love and respect.

Make certain you take the time to speak with your children from their point of view about the divorce. Another thing to bear in mind is to let them have their say over the direction those conversations take. They may have important questions to ask about the divorce which you need to answer honestly. It is alright to let them see your emotions during the divorce too. Above all, constantly reassure them that everything is going to be alright after the divorce. By making them feel loved and safe they will be able to get through the divorce without suffering from any problems.

You wonít be scarring your children if you do end up divorced. However, you have to be aware of how the divorce might affect them. As long as you know what is going to happen you can be there to meet the needs of your children. It's important that they know they can turn to either parent for anything they need. You also need to think carefully before you do anything as to how they will affect your children. Any wrong moves you make will have some affect on your children.

Be assured there are many children that have grown into well-adjusted adults even though their parents have been through a divorce. They will be the first to tell you that the situation was for the better for everyone involved. It is refreshing to know that because the decision to divorce is one that doesnít come easily. If you know divorce is the only option left for you, then just remember to keep the needs of your children in the front of your mind.
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