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Children Divorce Repercussions

29th June 2011
By Mary Hayden in Divorce
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Children endure a number of emotions when they learn their parents are getting a divorce. It's no different from what the parents feel yet they might not have all of the details. This can result in children blaming themselves for the divorce. They'll remember all of the times their parents had a conflict over them and think it is their own fault.

Many couples decide not to get a divorce no matter what simply for the sake of their children. They really want to end the marriage and begin a new life but they end up doing nothing about it because of their children. Years later, they may regret doing this and realise that staying in the marriage for their children's sake was a big mistake for all concerned. Years later, they may regret doing this and realise that staying in the marriage for their children's sake was a big mistake for all concerned. Even though the marriage was very unhappy and everyone in the family was miserable because of all the emotional upset that was going on in the marriage.

The level of damage that is going on right this moment for many children on account of marital problems needs to be attended to. These children are seriously affected by all the abuse they see, whether it be verbal, emotional or the worst of all, physical abuse. In many scenarios, the children will see controlling habits such as affection or money being withheld so that one spouse can exert control over the other. Not one of these concerns are suitable for children and there's no doubt undergoing all this will leave indelible mental scars from this extremely unpleasant period of their life.

It's the emotional state of children that often keeps people in a marriage when they want out however. They've heard all the horror stories about children with confidence issues and relationship issues due to their parents being divorced. In many cases it wasn't their parents getting divorced that generated the problems but something different. The fact is, it's often because of what happened before, during, and after the divorce.

The things that often result in the most problems are seeing all the negative things that happen before the actual divorce. Seeing your parents call each other nasty names or throwing stuff around and fighting aren't the sort of things that a child is likely to forget. Obviously there are bound to be many difficult times when going through a divorce but the main thing is do everything you can stop your children from seeing them.

Look, children are not dumb. It is inevitable they'll sense all the strain that is there between you and your spouse. They are going to be right there in the middle of things if there is still a lot of unresolved conflict going on. It can be very unhealthy for them to see such issues taking place. Thankfully, with the right approach you can go through a divorce and still have a quality relationship with your children afterwards. It's possible to be able to both cooperate as a married couple to try and do what's best for your young ones.

Provided that you can sort out the specifics of the divorce so your children are well cared for it should reduce the chances of them from getting scarred. Messy divorces where each spouse is blaming the other and getting the children in the middle of it arenít going to benefit anyone at all. Never say hurtful things about your ex in front of your children. When all is said and done, that person is still their parent and still someone they probably love and respect.

Ensure that you take the time to speak with your children from their standpoint about the divorce. Another thing to bear in mind is to let them have their say over the direction those conversations take. They may have important questions to ask about the divorce which you need to answer honestly. It is alright to let them see your emotions during the divorce too. Just make sure you reassure them that everything is going to be fine. Provided that they feel loved and protected they will be able to get through the divorce without ongoing problems.

Getting a divorce doesn't automatically mean your children will be scarred. You do need to make sure you are well aware of how they are going to be affected though. You want to know what to expect so you can be there to meet the needs of your children. Make sure they know they can come to either parent for anything they need. You also need to think carefully before you do anything as to how it will affect your children. Make sure you are fully aware of how they will influence your children.

You can relax knowing there are many children that have grown into well-adjusted adults even though their parents have been through a divorce. In fact, many of them will tell you that after the divorce it was better for everyone in the family. If you are thinking about getting a divorce that is good to know because the decision to divorce is not the easiest thing in the world. If you know divorce is the only option left for you, then just remember to keep the needs of your children in the front of your mind.
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