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Divorce Advice for Men Trying to Cope

30th May 2011
By januszjanulis in Divorce
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Men have traditionally been seen as always having good coping skills with whatever life throws at them. However, now that we look back upon those stoic role models we can see this is not true with rampant drinking, drugs, nightmares, anger, and many other ways that extreme stress (such as divorce) can act out. So instead of this, men need divorce advice for men trying to cope because us men are not made of stone, we have emotions that need to be understood before we can heal the wounds of a marriage break up.

So letís look at a manís mental state, and the advice you need to help with it:


This is usually the initial reaction men have when they are faced with divorce. This is the belief that the divorce is not real, and that their wife (or ex-wife as it may be) will turn around and reconcile. This is a fantasy constructed not to deal with the reality of the situation. This also makes men try all sorts of silly things to try to win back their spouse.

The long you stay in this fantasy zone the harder it becomes to accept and move on. You must take the step and realise this is real and this is permanent. If reconciliation is ever to happen you need to be a whole and healed person anyway which means you must reform your life before you can possibly make any relationship work.

Anger & Resentment

This is what so many men feel after they realise the marriage is gone never to come back. This is the minds defence mechanism that makes you weary of your ex, marriage, and women in general. It also feeds on the deep need to make the person who hurt you, hurt just as much.

The problem is that anger and resentment do nothing to help your situation at all. Your ex will not be any worse off from your words or actions or thoughts. You only sabotage your own life and happiness by carrying this burden.


Once you let go of your anger, a deep feeling of sadness usually sets in. This is a part of the grieving process as you need some time to be alone and deal with the loss of your wife and your former life. Where this becomes dangerous is when it heads towards full blown depression. This can lead to many problems in your life and some men go as far as suicidal thoughts if they cannot get out of this phase.

There are two ways to deal with this. One is external, where you need connection with people and activities not just to take your mind off your sadness, but to develop those social links that buoy the human spirit. Being alone only makes things worse, having friends and family around you will help. The other is internal. This comes from understanding your own mind and why you are depressed and cannot move on. This takes a little bit of introspection and some understanding of psychology.

To understand these concepts more deeply and also how to deal with all the little everyday problems that come up in post-divorce life, click below for more information that can end this nightmare and give you freedom and happiness once more.


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