Fallout and Recovery from Divorce

When you said, “I do,” you didn’t mean “I do for x amount of years, or x amount of months,” you meant “forever.” None of us thinks about that 50% divorce rate in the country while we are saying our vows. However, half of us find ourselves in the middle of a break up. Divorce is a painful, emotional thing to endure. It matters not whether you are the initiating spouse or the one taken aback by the request to end the marriage. It’s hard, that is the bottom line. If you are facing divorce, where do you go from here?
Divorce causes an upheaval of life on all levels. It affects your heart, your self-esteem, your finances, your family, your friends, your children, and your life style. Depression, eating disorders, stress, and worry are just a few of the possible effects of an impending divorce or the end of any relationship. You may go through several stages during the demise of your marriage such as denial and anger, depression, withdrawal, and finally recovery. All is not lost, people DO get through it every day, and you can as well.
First, it’s okay to grieve the end of your marriage. Something very important in your life has died, and it takes some time to let it go, be honest with yourself that it is gone, and move on. Allow yourself some grieving time. It is NOT okay, however, to lose yourself in that grief. It is NOT okay to wallow in it until it sucks the very breath out of you. It is NOT okay to let it consume you.
Second, let this be a new chapter in your life. Look at it as a way to reinvent yourself. The world is your oyster, the possibilities are endless. If you have children, it is an opportunity to make their lives even better than they were before. Make a list of all of the things that you never felt able to do because you were married or had someone else to think about in day to day life. If you always wanted to try you sky diving and you’re soon to be ex laughed at you, go do it! Realize the possibilities. If you find yourself with the inevitable “what ifs,” sit down and write down a description of yourself and your dreams BEFORE you got married. Then write a description of yourself while you were married. Compare the two. Which is more appealing to you? Visualize yourself while in the marriage and ask yourself if that was really a happy you. I imagine that the answer to that question will quickly come as a firm NO. Laugh… a lot. Laugh at yourself; laugh at the things that you thought were so important in that relationship. Finally, surround yourself with positive people and beautiful things. They don’t have to be expensive things or really flashy people. Those who love you for who you are, are the best kinds of people. They will help to support you while you are trying to make your way back to that person that they see.
I won’t lie, it won’t be easy. Nothing in life worth having is easy. But, it’s not a lost cause. There’s an old saying, “Don’t beat a dead horse.” If that horse you are riding is dead, get off, throw it a great funeral, and move on to greener pastures.


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