7 Top Tips For Dating After a Divorce
By: April Braswell | Posted: 22nd October 2009
I was driving north on 101 here near San Francisco recently on a Wednesday morning commute when I heard the DJs on the radio talking about some poor lady who was recently divorced who had been on her first date on Saturday night after being divorced for two years.
Frankly, it had been a MISERY.
Listening to the radio, I'm thinking, "This dear lady needs some concrete help with dating after divorce tips." I really wanted just to pull over to the side of the road and phone the radio station and give the dear thing my email and phone number. "Have her call me. I can help. Please let me help her because she needs building up after an experience like that."
Divorce is a misery to begin with. You feel rejected and dejected. It's a mess and a mess emotionally.
And now you're back in the dating world. Wouldn't YOU want to know some dating after divorce tips before relaunching yourself into the meet and meat market of dating? Do you want some help before and guidance before you go on those dates again? Who wouldn't!
1. GO SLOW!
Take it easy with yourself. Try some coffee with others. A lunch date, some very casual get-togethers. Do NOT go out on a Saturday night or a Friday night date to begin with. Those are like PROM night. There is so much pressure at the beginning. You haven't been on a date in years. You will first need to rebuild your dating skill set before venturing out on a Friday or Saturday night date. Build up your dating self-confidence. Please go slowly with yourself and build up your dating social skills.
2. BE GENTLE WITH YOURSELF!
Give yourself time and space to ease back into this. It's been awhile, hasn't it? Go simple and easy for your first several dates. Yes DO dress up nicely and look your best. Don't just wear your jeans, t shirt and Merrels, however, nor is this prom night. Something in between. Dressing up and looking your best is part of the practice you want for feeling confident. Don't stint yourself. Look fabulous. You will FEEL fabulous when you do so.
3. DO DATE LOTS!
OK, when you fall off of a horse, what do they recommend you do? Get right back on. Same thing with dating. When you are looking to learn a new skill, what is one of the most effective learning methodologies? Repetition of fundamentals. Do you just through the ball one time and think you are now good at football? Or do you throw, and throw, and throw, and throw, and THROW! Yes. Precisely. You PRACTICE. Same principle in dating. Go on a LOT of first dates when you first get back in the game. You are simply looking to meet some lovely people and to practice feeling comfortable confident and poised meeting and making small talk with strangers. And then, who knows?
4. KEEP IT BRIEF!
Early dates when you are relaunching yourself socially are like Date0 for folks who are meeting from Online Dating. So with those early relaunch dates? Keep them to about 60-90 minutes. Drinks and Appetizers. Coffee. And if it MUST be coffee, just be sure to select a really FABULOUS ambiance like The Four Seasons or Trump Tower. LOVELY.
5. SIZE MATTERS!
Early on in your relaunch mode, you need to aim for QUANTITY of DATES over QUALITY of DATES. You need to go on about 20 dates just to get back in the swing of things with the current Dating World and practice your social poise and presentation. If your date asks you, "What are you looking for?" you might respond with something like, "I enjoy meeting new people and getting to know them. I want to be in a relationship again, but it's too early for me to decide quite yet. I'm looking to meet new people and see where it goes."
6. AVOID DATE NIGHT!
Avoid the TRADITIONAL DATE NIGHTS of Saturday and Friday nights to begin with. Go out on a Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday or Sunday night date. I do recommend evening dates for other reasons for a FIRST DATE to create and foster a romantic and flirtatious ambiance. Flirtation is part of your practice regime. So, just think, evening dates for early dates.
7. GO!
Yes, you MUST relaunch yourself. Indeed, give yourself some time to grieve and heal after your divorce, but I would recommend that within 12-24 months after a divorce, BY THEN, you need to venture back out into the Dating World and GO ON DATES.About the Author
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Tags: email, phone number, guidance, misery, first date, radio station, t shirt, jeans, friday night, time and space, self confidence, listening to the radio, stint, saturday night, djs