In the case of divorce due to infidelity, the divorce is usually instantaneous and often thoughtless. In the case of mutual incompatibility, the divorce happens after a long time spent in fruitless attempts of ‘patching up’ from both sides, it may happen even after a decade or more of marriage.

But whatever the reasons, can divorce be prevented? That is sometimes literally the million dollar question, and everyone wishes they knew the answer. There is no magic formula of saving a marriage. There are only a series of attempts one can make to the best of one’s capacity. But the basic requirement in preventing a divorce is sincerity. If there is a half-hearted effort behind it all, it will show through the expensive gifts, lavish parties and exotic vacations. So before making any moves, one should think over it all, and if divorce is really better, there is no point in trying to salvage a dead marriage which no one wants.

Understanding the Signals

What are the signs of an impending divorce? Once again, there is no way of averaging these matters and finding easy assumptions. But if you really know your mate well, you will know what is being told to you with or without words. Some of the common signs of divorce are as follows:

• There is a general lack of communication. It means that your wavelength is not matching anymore and you do not see eye to eye in most matters. If you have been completely unaware of anything wrong in your marriage, that is the worst sign of all.



• Losing interest in joint activities, having meals together and other details that make up our daily habits is also a big hint.



• Is your partner trying to avoid you, or is he or she hiding something from you?



• Has your partner lost all interest in children?



• Is your partner digging up excuses to explain sudden disappearances, delays etc?

Analysing the Situation

This analysis can happen alone or together, as the situation demands. But you need to think over the marriage in general now. Do you want it or not? If you do, this is the time to put in all the effort that you can and try to patch things up. Include your partner in the analysis if he or she is open to it, but do not force it. Take criticism as it comes -- these are difficult times and not the best moment for self-righteousness. If you have not tried very hard to maintain your relation, you have to tighten up your belt now, before all is lost.

Talking it Out

One of the most important and effective methods of salvaging a marriage is by discussing the problems openly with your spouse. It may be difficult to swallow your pride, but if you fear divorce, be the initiator for such talks. A lot of hidden hurt, anger and resentment may surface in the course of these discussions and get resolved. If your partner has been cheating you, it is better if you get to know that than wait till you chance upon them or a neighbour tells you. If your partner finds you incompatible, again, this is a chance to at least know about the grievances.

The Old Charm

Where is the old charm gone? Work it for all you are worth, be lavish, be refined, be outrageous, be romantic, but in all your efforts, be sincere. Go for weekend trips or, if you can both find the time, for a vacation. People often open up more when out of the confines of the house. Spend more quality time together, share meals – both formal and informal, try to enjoy physical relations, and don’t take the children along each time you go anywhere. Treat this phase as your second courtship, it is just as serious.

Starting a Family and Having Children

For many couples, children are the healing touch, the perfect consummation of marriage. If your partner has been inclined that way, then this is the time to start a family of your own.

Professional Marriage Counsellors

When your efforts are not enough, do not hesitate to go for professional help. Marriage counsellors are an acceptable idea now, and you may end up saving your marriage. If your partner is unwilling, go yourself.






James Walsh is a freelance writer and copy editor. If you would like more information on how to get a quickie Divorce see http://www.quickie-divorce.com