Children in the age group of three to five are in a position to feel the negative effects of a divorce. They often end up, holding themselves responsible for any conflict between their parents and often get enveloped in a deep sense of insecurity. The most vulnerable segment is that of elementary school children who are old enough to have a feel of the situation, but not sufficiently mature to play any significant role in the scheme of events. The outcome may be in the form of symptoms of withdrawal and various physical disorders of psychological origin. Teenagers are often mature enough to understand the causes and nature of parental conflict and its possible outcome. They respond by exhibiting emotions of aggression, fear, depression and shame. Considering these facts, it becomes vital for the parents to do their best, so as to save their children from the negative impact of a divorce, of which they may be innocent victims.

This certainly does not mean that one should go on with a situation of perpetual, domestic stress, for the sake of the children. Before going for a divorce, one should go through an intense catechism, to justify that a permanent separation would be in the best interest of all the family members. The chances are that the children are likely to suffer more, if the domestic atmosphere is fraught with tension, abuse and violence. The need is to communicate to the children, how a divorce will improve the things for the entire family. How it will better the circumstances and make the things more congenial. Assure them that they will continue getting the love of both the parents and both the parents will always be there to help and support them. Alley their fears and talk with them about the changes that they are likely to face after the divorce. Your explanation of things should be realistic but reassuring. The results will be much better if both the parents participate in this process. In case it is not so, you may take the help of a family counselor or a common friend, to help you convince your spouse regarding this. Children are often better able to digest facts, then the adults expect them to. What is needed is the right approach and a sense of concern.

Before, during or after a divorce, efforts should be made not to disturb the sense of stability of the children, by attempting major changes in their daily routine and lifestyle. Parents should avoid giving vent to their frustrations and grievances, before the children. Remember that they are already going through a stressful experience. Any such behaviour will only worsen their misconceptions. Taking the welfare of the children into consideration, it is advisable that you opt for a collaborative divorce. This will not only prevent unnecessary litigation, but will save the children from any painful decision making at this tender age. If not on their own, then through mediation, parents should be able to chalk out a mutually acceptable parenting plan. The children will certainly take a hint from the confidence and poise with which you tackle this situation of possible discord and conflict. Even if your divorce turns out to be a contested one, there is no need to talk to the children about the details of litigation. It is you who has to teach the children, how to deal with their feelings.

After a divorce, the custodial parent should help the children forge a constructive relationship with the other parent. Both the parents should act in the true spirit of co-parenting. Sometimes the children may express the desire for a possible reunion with your ex spouse. Be understanding but pragmatic. Sometimes being a good listener may help a lot. Never try to use the children as mediators or messengers. This will only make them exhibit precociously adult behaviour, which may do considerable harm.

Always keep in the mind that a divorce is the death of a marriage so as to save a family.