The majority of the divorcing couples fight over child custodial rights. Once the custodial rights are decided, the courts immediately decide the visitation hours for the non-custodial parent.

These hours are usually scheduled considering the age of the children. For example, toddlers spend the night only with their mother. And teenagers enjoy a flexible schedule to fit in their varied appointments.

Children are usually picked up from the house they reside in, by the non-custodial parent. Initially, the time schedules are well maintained. Children enjoy spending time with either parent. They look forward to getting ready and awaiting the arrival of the other parent.

The first disappointment occurs when the absentee parent forgets the scheduled visit. This failure to arrive is normally explained off as some unavoidable delay. The real problem starts when these bouts of forgetfulness occur with increasing regularity.

Such inconsistent visitation by the ex-spouse deeply hurts the children. These children are already traumatised by the divorce of their parents. The inconsistent visitation reinforces the pain and rejection they feel.

Handling Inconsistent Visitation

Seeking recourse in family law to enforce visitation is not a possibility. The courts cannot force a parent to make use of the given visitation rights.

In such a scenario, infrequent visitation should be calmly discussed with and resolved. This discussion should understandably take place in the absence of children.

Most frequently, the errant spouse is unable to keep up the scheduled appointments due to some specific problem. This problem area can be identified and suitable measures must be taken for its rectification.

Visitation problems are best discussed and solved. Delicate situations as these should never be allowed to deteriorate. One of the spouses should be ready to compromise. Compromises are necessary to ensure the happiness of children. Children need both their parents. The positive role model of a father is a necessity for the development of a healthy personality of the children.

Reducing the Pain of Inconsistent Visitation for the Child

As mentioned previously, children feel unwanted and neglected when the much-awaited parent fails to arrive at the scheduled time. It is the responsibility of the resident parent to minimise the pain experienced by the children.

• The non-arrival of the partner should be explained to the child in a calm and positive manner. Children should be repeatedly reassured that their non-resident parent also loves them. This reassurance is necessary to enable them lead emotionally stable and happy lives.


• Children should not be pre-informed about the expected visit of the parent. When the parent does make an appearance, it would be a pleasant surprise for them.

Changes in Parenting Time Visitation Schedule

Inconsistent visitation might persist in the face of repeated attempts to regularise it. This is a problem that has to be redressed. For, therapists have often stressed that infrequent visits or long durational absence of either parent will negatively impact the child.

But, in spite of this, the resident parent cannot withhold visitation. This would become an effective ground for change of custody. The resident parent can, at best, discuss with the partner for a change in the visitation schedule. A new schedule can be worked out. But the new schedule should conform to the court ordered number of hours spent by the children with either parent.

The court can be approached for stopping the visitation by the non-custodial parent. This appeal has to be supported by a strong documentary evidence of the harm being done to the children due to inconsistent visitation. Strong evidence might prompt the court to consider alternate methods, but deprivation of visitation is rarely resorted to.

However, both the parties can discuss and change the number of visitation hours. These have to be written down and submitted to the court. This allows a modification of the agreement.

But any modification in the agreement should reflect the best interests of the children. Whenever possible, their views should be considered in the decision-making process.

Inconsistent visitation is a problem faced by many of the couples. This problem is marked in the case of high-conflict marriages. The custodial parent should make every effort to see that the child is not hurt. This problem should be sincerely discussed with the ex-spouse to seek remedial alternatives.

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